He stood there vulnerable waiting under that bathroom door.
When my anxious suspicion was confirmed, I felt everything a human can experience: the chills up the arms, the nervous stomach, the dizzy thoughts, that feeling of falling into love.
🖤 And there it was, a moment that will forever change us.🖤
It's about the sobering news that God has sent me the most significant gift one can ever give.
💫 I was shaking in my shoes and sweating in my palms because of what this represented for me. 💫
It brought up the most boring instinct we all possess- big, fat fear.
I was terrified of the word “forever” because nothing else in my life had represented that until now. More accurately, the idea of having a baby in my mind was almost equal to getting a tattoo on my face.
I was frightened to have my wings clipped and scared out of my skin to let go of the life I knew. Because that meant moving on which deep down terrified me.
Although the most turbulent years were far behind me, and I felt much more centered, I wasn't ready to be a mom. So I thought.
Because to be a mom meant to be attentive, responsible, available...
For weeks I was in denial. Possibly because I was trying to hold on to the life I knew that was so fast sliding away from the tips of my fingernails. 💫
I couldn't believe what was going on and was wondering if this miracle has accidentally knocked on the wrong door, or was I chosen by higher powers to create a life? 💫
As I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, I saw a 30-year-old woman that has lived a little. A woman who's qualified enough to write a book about the past five lives she has lived.
And although there were still so many more things she wanted to do; a baby would never interfere. Because as a firm believer in the right timing, I couldn't bear to live with the thought that I could be the same person yet for another year. After all, we're meant to evolve.
My defenses started to shrink, and my anxieties eased.
💖 I realized that this miracle is boldly staring in my face wholly choosing me with all my insecurities, doubts, and self-invented emotional frustrations. 💖
So I chose to fully embrace and accept that the future was about to change for something greater.
Even if that meant going off the radar for a while because the next chapter required me to be a little bit quieter, less accessible, and more private.
Maybe we cling so much to our past all to find out that what the future has for us is much more meaningful.
Because at the end of our days it's not about what titles we collected or what career milestones we reached, or in what countries bank accounts we hold. It's about having a simple human experience while figuring out the rest. It's about the legacy we leave that is by far more significant than fame or money.
Things were good. I was lucky to stand by a man who's ready to take me as I am without changing a cell in me. It takes a while to get here, and if you know anything about my story, you know my path wasn't necessarily covered in rose petals and dancing unicorns high-fiving me along the way.
💖 When I spilled the news to my friends over one of those Sex And The City-like lunches, we all knew it's an end of an era as one of us was moving a giant step forward towards becoming a mother.
And it was me - a girl that would never miss a party.
I didn't want to be a girl who stayed too long at the party. 💖
The following months were filled with a joy of expectations, scans, and hormonal tears. But I won't trade it all for alluring distractions and social invitations as I allowed myself to begin dreaming of this new world.
Do you know what I learned since that fateful day?
That every kick, every uncomfortable move, and potential stretch mark made me realize I am carrying a warm and pulsating entity inside. A real human with its very own dreams, goals, and ambitions that has nothing to do with me.
So I may not interfere. Most of all, I'm ready... like 39 weeks ready.
With love,
Kristina