How Positive Pregnancy Test Changed My Destiny
💥 When I spilled the news to my friends over one of those Sex And The City -like lunches, we all knew it's an end of an era as one of us was moving a giant step further of becoming a mother.
💥 And it was me - a girl that would never miss a party.
💥 But I didn't want to be a girl who stayed too long at the party.
He stood there vulnerable waiting under that bathroom door.
When my anxious suspicion was confirmed, I felt everything a human can experience: the chills up the arms, the nervous stomach, the dizzy thoughts, that feeling of falling into love.
🖤 And there it was, a moment that will forever change us.🖤
It's about the sobering news that God has sent me the most significant gift one can ever give.
💫 I was shaking in my shoes and sweating in my palms because of what this represented for me. 💫
It brought up the most boring instinct we all possess- big, fat fear.
I was terrified of the word “forever” because nothing else in my life had represented that until now. More accurately, the idea of having a baby in my mind was almost equal to getting a tattoo on my face.
I was frightened to have my wings clipped and scared out of my skin to let go of the life I knew. Because that meant moving on which deep down terrified me.
Although the most turbulent years were far behind me, and I felt much more centered, I wasn't ready to be a mom. So I thought.
Because to be a mom meant to be attentive, responsible, available...
For weeks I was in denial. Possibly because I was trying to hold on to the life I knew that was so fast sliding away from the tips of my fingernails. 💫
I couldn't believe what was going on and was wondering if this miracle has accidentally knocked on the wrong door, or was I chosen by higher powers to create a life? 💫
As I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, I saw a 30-year-old woman that has lived a little. A woman who's qualified enough to write a book about the past five lives she has lived.
And although there were still so many more things she wanted to do; a baby would never interfere. Because as a firm believer in the right timing, I couldn't bear to live with the thought that I could be the same person yet for another year. After all, we're meant to evolve.
My defenses started to shrink, and my anxieties eased.
💖 I realized that this miracle is boldly staring in my face wholly choosing me with all my insecurities, doubts, and self-invented emotional frustrations. 💖
So I chose to fully embrace and accept that the future was about to change for something greater.
Even if that meant going off the radar for a while because the next chapter required me to be a little bit quieter, less accessible, and more private.
Maybe we cling so much to our past all to find out that what the future has for us is much more meaningful.
Because at the end of our days it's not about what titles we collected or what career milestones we reached, or in what countries bank accounts we hold. It's about having a simple human experience while figuring out the rest. It's about the legacy we leave that is by far more significant than fame or money.
Things were good. I was lucky to stand by a man who's ready to take me as I am without changing a cell in me. It takes a while to get here, and if you know anything about my story, you know my path wasn't necessarily covered in rose petals and dancing unicorns high-fiving me along the way.
💖 When I spilled the news to my friends over one of those Sex And The City-like lunches, we all knew it's an end of an era as one of us was moving a giant step forward towards becoming a mother.
And it was me - a girl that would never miss a party.
I didn't want to be a girl who stayed too long at the party. 💖
The following months were filled with a joy of expectations, scans, and hormonal tears. But I won't trade it all for alluring distractions and social invitations as I allowed myself to begin dreaming of this new world.
Do you know what I learned since that fateful day?
That every kick, every uncomfortable move, and potential stretch mark made me realize I am carrying a warm and pulsating entity inside. A real human with its very own dreams, goals, and ambitions that has nothing to do with me.
So I may not interfere. Most of all, I'm ready... like 39 weeks ready.
With love,
Kristina
End Hate. Learn Patience And Faith.
🦄 Because underneath it all, the truth is that - your life and your path are one of a kind. It's not a race, it's a journey that cannot be compared to others.
🦄 Because we are on different timelines.
🦄 The timeline to our own victories can't be measured by a certain age, amount of time, religion, or education.
Thanks to the technological evolution of the instant gratification our generation is more depressed than ever. Because the world where we live in is under constant pressure to be and do more.
Is this idea - that the things we crave for have to manifest in our lives immediately - is what destroys our self-esteem and confidence in the long run.
🦋 We no longer understand the concept of patience and faith. We get obsessed with speeding things up, looking for shortcuts to save time and money. 🦋
As a result, we become more desperate than ever. We start questioning ourselves even more, therefore, killing any chances of achieving our goals. All because we attach our self-worth to external rewards or their lack of.
And just when things can't get any worse, one morning you scroll down your feed discovering that somebody else has gotten that promotion you wanted, has started your gluten-free cookie business, has written that self -help book, or launched your dream product/service online.
They are proudly collecting victories in their professional and personal lives flashing it all over their social media channels making you feel lower than ever.
And although we wish them well, if they are our friends, somehow it gets more difficult to swallow yet another declaration of someone's success. Because it's easier to compare. Because it feels better to judge. Because it feels liberating to gossip. And by doing so, we get in the mood to ruin our lives, literally. Furthermore, we're poisoning our mind completely eliminating what’s even possible for us at this stage.
" Somebody else got mine."
" There's never be enough of anything to go around."
Because somewhere along the way you've convinced yourself that you've been robbed when you haven't, in fact, been robbed.
🦋 You forget that the success of others is an example of what's possible. If someone else can do it, you can do it too. You can cherish others for their achievements acknowledging the fact that there is plenty of room for everyone including you. 🦋
You can choose to believe that you are neither a slave to the evolution of social media nor its master. Be its partner.
💓 When you shift these thoughts to the partnership instead, when you're ready to work with the idea of what's possible for you, you experience immediate relief. Life as you know it will start to unfold in unexpected ways. 💓
Because underneath it all, the truth is that - your life and your path are one of a kind. It's not a race, it's a journey that cannot be compared to others. Because we are on different timelines. The timeline to our own victories can't be measured by a certain age, amount of time, religion, or education.
Your and my journeys are never meant to be the same. It doesn't mean there will be less left for you if I'll get there first. We can't arrive there together because it's not in our powers to control the circumstances, law of nature, the Universe, or the gods.
We've got to be learning patience and faith boldly trusting our journey that no matter what, we'll get there whenever the time is right. Because everything happening around you is happening for you. Even if you don't understand it yet.
💓 Therefore don't pressure yourself to tick yet another goal off your checklist thinking that everything needs to happen right now this moment. Don't rage at the gods above. Don't put the hate on destiny. Don't overthink that there is something wrong with you because there is nothing wrong with you. 💓
Everything needs to happen at its own speed. It's a rocky road of thousand steps each closer to the ultimate place you want to reach.
Work with all your heart. Show up for your work day after day with stubbornness and trust, and I promise that one day you'll wake up feeling more accomplished, completed, and whole. One day you'll proudly share your idea, your invention with the world too. Or you'll choose not to because approval of others will no longer matter.
What matters the most, there'll be no more internal demons to fight, no more painful detours to make and the whole future will look a whole lot better.
🌹 But it starts now with letting go off the idea of having it all this instant. Do your part and Universe will do its part. Because everything happening around you is happening for you. 🌹
With love and faith,
Kristina
5 True-Hearted Signs You Finally A Grown Up
You will get hurt. Shattered- guaranteed.
There are times you'll walk through the darkest alleys. But there's almost always a light on the other side. Because even the darkest hour of your life will only last an hour.
You will get hurt. Shattered- guaranteed.
For starters, I thought growing up sucks.
Because you crawl through the world like a newly born kitten with your eyes half closed lacking clarity, direction or often common sense, all while pretending you've got stuff figured out.
There are times you'll walk through the darkest alleys. But there's almost always a light on the other side. Because even the darkest hour of your life will only last an hour.
As a standard life in our twenties feels as though we have problems that we are incapable of ever solving. Doors will not always open. Roadmaps will not be given.
And for the most of us out there, it takes twists and turns and often detours to arrive someplace meaningful.
But no matter how hard battles you have to fight, you always get through. Universal truth.
You'll travel far from where you've been, and you'll feel this in your bones... the feeling of arrival.
The idea of next, next, next - always next will longer seem relevant.
Because...
Time has this magical ability to turn things around and show you what's up. Things will start falling into place and here's how:
1. You become a grown up when You start choosing yourself.
Is when you no longer allow others to make choices for you or instead of you. You take on full responsibility for everything related to you - your love life, work life, finances, career, well being, health, intentions, and goals.
You acknowledge your value.
You no longer clap like the happiest seal at the zoo when someone throws you a bone.
No thanks.
You demand a whole juicy steak. (And it better come with a side and a heart-attack introducing dessert.)
You learn to turn down things that drain your energy, please others and put your dreams on hold. Because destiny is not matter of luck; it's a matter of choice. Anything and anybody that delays you from your dreams has to go.
Choosing yourself is a difficult one, but I promise, is one of the most top-level choices you'll ever make.
2. You are enough all by yourself when you become a grown up.
You worked on yourself. Healed your own heart. Discovered who you are alone and what your goals are.
Riding solo may seem lonely at first, but how on Earth are you planning to arrive anywhere without being able to ride on your own?
3. You stopped apologizing for your past as A Grown Up.
You dropped guilt about everything and everybody that you wronged in the past. Or how you should have done things 360 degrees different.
Only when you become capable of unlearning what you knew from the past, you become free of it. The story of who you are and who you aren't. What you can or cannot do.
4. Opinions of others no longer bother you.
You don't have to blaze through the wall and prove your points as long as everyone gets it.
Everyone is entitled to have their own beliefs and therefore their own opinions. Be it your colleague at work, your boss or your own family. We may relate to some and completely disagree with others.
And that's Okay.
Organically you'll start to feel at peace with yourself and those around you. You'll no longer be trying to recast the molecules of others. You'll learn to accept the differences despite the fact that you won't always be on the same page.
We can all still come from different places possessing contrasting beliefs, and live happily ever after under one roof without going to wars with each other.
5. When you have defined your values and priorities.
You know what is important to you and you know why. You no longer find it difficult to make a list of things that are most important to you.
As time goes by, your values change. The descending order change. Maybe freedom is replaced by love. Maybe an adventure is replaced by safety. Perhaps some priorities have lost the crown to be nominated to your list.
And that's all right.
As we grow, we evolve, and I believe, no human being should ever remain the same. I don't want ever to think I have arrived because this would mean I would stop growing. And as long as I live, I will always be evolving.
The truth is – you will only feel grown up when you’ve dipped your toes and the entire body in everything you once wanted, and you have made tons of mistakes that made you a better person today.
Until then you should try yourself in every possible aspect of life. Do whatever causes a revolution in your heart. Live unapologetically. Follow your curiosity. Trust your heart. Be a geyser of energy.
And as you do that, have faith in the world. It always has your back, even in the moments when nothing makes sense. Always remember: there's always light on the other end. We all get there...sooner or later.
Until then, happy learning!
8 Key Things No One Tells You About Living Abroad
There isn't a piece of land where you could land your feet, and in an instant feel at home. The truth is, you'll never be the next Columbus, and you'll never find this place- because it doesn't exist.
Here's what I did for my twenties, rather than following a traditional path, I've done things that don't fit in the "conventional" sense. I spent more than a decade in five vibrantly contrasting countries on two opposite continents that taught me a little bit of something.
1. Searching For A Place You Belong Is A Delusional Activity.
Like many others, I was in a desperate need to find a place I belonged. Sadly or luckily, it wasn't at home.
It's like I was poking a soapy bubble suspiciously wanting to find out what's on the other side. None of us can know such thing. But I knew for sure; I wasn't afraid to face it. For all I cared, I could have been slapped in the face with a dead fish, got sold into slavery, or lived alone on an inhabited island making necklaces out of the seashells.
Apparently, I wasn't the only one poking. There were the others. They also were in search of something. Home– was a futuristic place they were yet to find. I don't know who on Earth would promise that they'll ever will?
2. You Don’t Go Abroad To Find Home.
There isn't a piece of land where you could land your feet, and in an instant feel at home. The truth is, you'll never be the next Columbus, and you'll never find this place- because it doesn't exist.
You go abroad to open your eyes wide open and learn the things that not in a million years you would have learned back home. There you test your abilities, expand your capacities, quadruple your experiences, and slowly but steadily change your identity.
By doing so, you start building a firmer ground underneath. Without ever having a solid ground, the world will always seem a shaky, scary and fearful place to live. Once that's in place, you build your residence or at least a wobbly nest to start with.
3. You Don't Stop Being A Tourist Overnight Living Abroad.
Keyword there: forever tourist.
You don't just wake up from a bad dream, roll your bed and feel at home in the new country.
It takes time, patience and a willing heart.
You must stop searching, obsessing and looking for evidence that you somehow don't fit in, that you're too foreign, and that others have no clue what price you've paid to get here. Because you will always find that evidence. And strangers don't care what you had to give up to be here.
4. Living Anywhere But Home Isn’t Walking On Marshmallows.
On bad days, you may bruise your delicate ego. It may take some leaps and gambles. You'll question your decisions. You'll feel lonely. You may even want to drop a tear or two. But the world won't end because of that.
Eventually, you wrap your mind around this reality: Your life is much more elastic than you thought it is. You learn who you are and who you aren't. You find out who you want to be and who you no longer need to be.
Every day presents an opportunity to expand your Universe. Every minute spent outside of everything familiar - gives you a fresh perspective, unshakable confidence, and wisdom that you would never acquire if you've chosen the safe, predictable path back home.
5. The World Becomes The Best Tutor That You'll Ever Hire when You Living Abroad.
You can go to the best schools, you can have the most excellent teachers, but no one will ever teach you more than a foreign country will ever do. (Please note that I am not against higher education by any means; I've got one too.)
All I'm saying is that whatever you experience becomes a part of who you are. Whatever you see, do or hear leaves footprints in your life. You become the total sum of your experiences that are beyond the academic education.
6. You No Longer Remain The Same.
And then, a year, two, five go by, and you wake up on a regular day finding yourself a different self. You board the plane and go home 12+ hours away. You land your feet on the ground you once knew so well. The air seems familiar. You could still walk through streets hands and eyes tied up if you had to.
You spend a day there. Then another day. You meet everyone you haven't seen in a while. You pour your heart out and share everything you learned away from home. Feels nice.
Except...something no longer feels right.
For them, life hasn't changed much. Maybe they got a pair of babies you've already seen on Facebook. Perhaps they moved to a bigger home. Maybe a friend of a friend is getting a divorce.
You understand where they're coming from and what they're saying, but you no longer feel like there's anything but past bounding you. But for the most part, you realize that time has a funny quality; it can draw people closer the same way it drives them apart.
7. You'll Have A Chance To Change Your Life For Good.
Like a sponge, you'll suck up vast amounts of cultural information wherever you'll go. Your ways will change. You'll have the power to choose how to live, act, love, talk, eat or spend your money just the way you want to. It doesn't have to be black or white. It doesn't need to be the way you were always taught.
With all due respect and affection to my upbringing, seeing how others live has forever changed my life. And being fortunate enough to experience such things allowed me to designed my life better than I would have ever imagined.
8. You'll Place Your Highest Bet, Your Life On The Table.
Most of all, though, I've seen what's possible when you step out of the bubble. When there are no guarantees, promises or certainty about anything. When the only thing you strongly rely on is your curious heart.
As it turned out, while I was busy doing me, I somehow managed to build a nest I was talking about earlier.
True story.
And at the end of my days, I know I will thank my curiosity, wild heart, and taste for wanderlust for having blessed me with a captivating, stimulating and passionate existence.